To be a child was to be a blank slate with no organic identity

When Abuse Wreaks Havoc with the Maternal Instinct

moncler mens jackets Abuse doesn just steal our joy. It doesn just ruin our happiness and health. It doesn merely destroy any vestiges of self esteem. It may also do something else even more cruel and unconscionable: moncler mens jackets

Rob us of our maternal instinct.

This becomes doubly hard when we always wanted children. It trebles when we discover we infertile. And it quadruples as we wonder if we should even bother pursuing infertility treatment if this world is that bad, that brutal, that vicious. Why introduce more children into it?

moncler outlet store That what I mean by abuse us of our maternal instinct. Many abused women choose to say, I will never bring a child into this world to be hurt in the ways I been hurt. That a choice I toyed with many and many a time. A choice I totally understand and respect. moncler outlet store

monlcer down cheap moncler jackets sale jackets But I infertile. I can seem to have kids, I don know why and I don know what, moncler sale outlet if anything, I should do about it. I too terrified to even visit a gynecologist. The very thought brings hyperventilation and a panic attack. monlcer down jackets

I always wanted children. But now? I terrified of perpetuating my own cheap moncler coats unhealthy coping mechanisms and the traits I unwilling learned from my abusive parents onto my potential future children.

What if I teach them to be codependent, because I just can see it clearly in myself?

What if, in my quest to teach them to stand up for themselves, they become bullies?

moncler sale What if I repeat the subtle verbal abuses that were used on me, without thinking before I speak? moncler sale

moncler sale outlet What if my own rage bubbles up and moncler jacket sale my children become the secondary victim, much as I was the secondary victim of my abuser misdirected rage? moncler sale outlet

moncler outlet sale I never hurt them on purpose. Not in a million, billion years. But what if they moncler jackets outlet breathe the shame, the vulnerability, the fear in the air, much as I absorbed it when I was growing up. moncler outlet sale

cheap moncler outlet What if What if What if it gets worse. Somewhere along the line, I absorbed a bad attitude toward children. And I think I know where it came from. cheap moncler outlet

cheap moncler Abusers hate kids. They hate looking into their clear eyes and seeing their evil and ugliness reflected back at them. cheap moncler sale moncler

They hate the child tears when they abuse cheap moncler outlet them. After all, you can abuse an adult and they choke back their tears, so you never have to face the repercussions.

cheap moncler jackets They hate looking into a child eyes and seeing the innocent, vulnerable child they used to be before they Moncler Outlet were abused, were moncler outlet sale toughened, were ruined and warped, turning them into the abuser they are today. cheap moncler jackets

moncler outlet online They secretly hate themselves, so how can they unconditionally love their child? moncler outlet online

cheap moncler sale I absorbed this are stupid attitude somewhere along the line. Perhaps it was when I was the stupid child. The child who could see clearly what was really going on was shamed for it. cheap moncler sale

To be a child was to not be respected. To be a child was to be inherently wrong. To be a child was to be a blank slate with no organic identity. To be a child was to have no rights, no privacy, no boundaries. Not even the right to say, I seven years old now. I don want you washing my genitals anymore. I can do it myself. Or Don touch my chest. would never, ever treat my child this way. And over my dead body would anyone do this to my child.

moncler outlet But do I even want to bring another human being into this sad, sad, horrible world where abusers see moncler outlet uk kids as fair game? What the point? moncler outlet

So when I stare into my sad eyes in the bathroom mirror with a basal thermometer under my tongue and a positive OPK (ovulation predictor kit) in my hand, I in a quandary. Should I tell my husband, Rhys, that the day Or should I just let another supposedly fertile (but probably infertile) month pass away without even trying? Like all the other months when systems were go but I said nothing, choosing a cuddle over sex. All those months when I was secretly received when the HPT (home pregnancy test) showed a BFN (big fat negative.)

cheap moncler coats Because I terrified of bringing a child into this world. I long for a child and yet yet. cheap moncler coats

Abuse robbed me of my maternal instinct. She and her husband have been trying, unsuccessfully, to start a family for several years. Ivy can relate to the pain, confusion, jealousy and sense of injustice that accompanies infertility. But she also knows the pain moncler outlet of being a step mother to children who’s vindictive birth mother has systematically employed Parental Alienation to distance them from their birth father, Ivy’s husband, Rhys.

Her articles, often illustrated with her photos, are intended to validate and comfort those who suffer from infertility, Parental Alienation and the pain of sexual abuse.